Forever
by KathyFish
Summary: Jack Harkness has lived a long and hard life and he's decided that it's time for him to get what he wants. What is it that he wants? Well that would be one Gwen Cooper.
1. Prologue

Gwen Cooper's life had changed so many ways since she'd joined Torchwood. She'd been opened up to the impossibilities of the world and found that the universe was a far and vast place indeed. Before, she had often wondered what her life would have been like if she'd just let it go after that first meeting. How she would have lived the rest of her life without ever pursuing the case, without ever meeting Captain Jack Harkness.

Gwen was looking out the window just thinking about nothing really. All she'd wanted to do was calm the nerves. If someone had told her that she would be sitting down in this room, waiting to promise the rest of her existence to someone who wasn't Rhys Williams just a few months ago she wouldn't have believed them. Yet here she was.

A knock sounded at the door, and a blonde girl poked her head in.

"Hey Gwen, it's almost time. Are you ready?"

"Yea I'll be out in a second."


	2. The Hard Things Always Come First

"What's this?"

"That's an engagement ring that is."

"You're getting married?"

"Yes, Rhys asked. When you were away."

"And you said yes."

"Well no one else will have me."

He had come back for her. He had lived through the end of the world, and clawed his way back from it so he could return to her. But it wasn't enough. Not for her. He had lived so many lives, lost so many people and that was something that he knew she would never understand. There was only one other person in the universe who understood what it was like to watch everyone else live their lives, constantly moving forward and for you to be the only one stuck in one point, neither moving forward or having the chance to look back. She didn't understand he did this to protect himself. That he couldn't say what he wanted to because it would expose too much.

He'd been ready though. Ready to open himself up to her, ready to throw caution to the wind and let future take them wherever it wanted. It now seemed like a cruel joke that the very situation that had opened his eyes to what he really wanted was also the thing that had made him one step too late.

Jack had never had any reservations about sex. If the other party was up for, then so was he. The problem with this was that others would assume that his philosophies on sex were also how he felt about any sort of romantic relationship. It wasn't though, no matter how liberal his views were on whom he chose to bed his was a romantic at heart, he believed in true love and he believed that every person had someone that could complete them. Their other half. That had been why he'd never gone any farther than harmless flirting with one Rose Tyler, because though he could feel himself slowly falling in love with her, he knew it would never be able to hold a flame to what she'd had with the Doctor. It hadn't really worked out for him as he'd ended up hopelessly in love with the both of them, but at least he'd never interfered with what they had in a real way.

But now. Now he had found himself in almost the same situation, he was in love with a woman who had seemingly chosen another man. He had a respect for true love, and he didn't doubt that what Rhys felt for Gwen was true, but unlike the situation with Rose and the Doctor, he couldn't help feeling that what he had with Gwen had the potential to be something so much bigger than what she would have with Rhys. Jack didn't know how he knew it, but he was sure that he and Gwen could be the stuff of legends.

Now all Jack needed to do was to convince Gwen of that. But first he had something else to do.

This was one of the harder things that he'd had to do in his very long life, but if he wanted to prove to Gwen that she should choose him, the he also had to do things that would make him worthy of being her choice. That didn't help the sting he felt with he was faced with that look of utter despair though.

"So what was I then? What was this to you? Because I love you Jack. I'd never thought that I'd be able to love again after Lisa, but you changed that! I didn't want to be this person; I didn't want to love you. But it was you who pursued me!"

"I know Ianto. I'm so so sorry for doing this to you. You have to believe me, when we started this I thought that we'd really have a chance, I didn't plan on this. I didn't plan on falling in love with her. But I have, and it wouldn't be fair to you if I didn't tell you now because I've decided that I'm going to act on my feelings."

"But what if she doesn't love you? You know she loves Rhys, she's always only had his best interests in mind. Everyone in the team can see that she cares more about him than she does herself."

"I know, but I think if you love someone. Really love someone to the core of your being, then you should be willing for them to be happy however they choose to live. And if in the end she chooses Rhys then that's fine with me, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I'd never even put myself in the running."

Ianto looked at the man he was slowly falling in love with and knew that he wouldn't be able to change Jack's mind. The funny thing about it was that he'd known it all along, he seen the way Jack looked at her, but Ianto had somehow told himself that they were feelings that Jack wouldn't act on because Gwen already had Rhys. He could tell how wrong he was now, as he saw the grim determination on Jack's face. It was that face that made him relent, and also feel sorry for Rhys, because as transparent as Jack's feelings for Gwen were, it was the same when it came to Gwen's feelings for Jack.

"If… just if it doesn't go the way you plan. Would you come back to me?"

He knew how pitiful and desperate it had sounded, but he just couldn't stop himself. Jack was worth losing a bit of his dignity. He hadn't known how Jack would respond, but he hadn't expected to suddenly be pulled into the most passionate kiss of his life.

Jack held Ianto's face in place and stared into Ianto's eyes and said in his fiercest voice, "Ianto Jones. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve everything in the world. I know how you see yourself, I know that you think you're nothing but the coffee boy, but let me tell you this right now. You are one of the most amazing men that I have ever met. Don't ever let me or anyone else put you in a position where you feel weak and without power. I love you. I really and truly do. In any other world we would have been great, amazing even, but not this one and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. But you deserve someone who loves you with all their heart and right now right here? I'm not the man for you. I have no doubt that the person you're looking for is out there though, so don't waste your time on me, because I'm telling you that I'm not worth it."

With that, Jack walked away with his great coat flowing behind him. He didn't seem to notice that his speech had probably done more harm than good as Ianto looked at his back with a look that was somewhere in between shock and devotion.


	3. The Rose in River's Bed

River should have known that it would end up like this. It always did.

"Doctor you promised me skating on the St. Lawrence during the _Carnaval_ de Québec."

"That I did River, and I promise that we will… once I figure out what's got the TARDIS up and running again. You know her, always in one or another of her moods these days; don't really know what's going on with her really. But the moment I find what's wrong with her and fix it then we'll be on our way to the great north! Maybe we'll ride a moose! Or make maple syrup!"

"Sweetie… you do realize that neither of those things is even remotely interesting don't you?"

The Doctor though was already on the other side of the control panel fiddling with something when all of a sudden he shouted in a completely exasperated voice, "REALLY? Now you're just playing with me aren't you? I thought we were friends!"

"What's wrong Doctor?"

"It's the TARDIS, she's gone and fitted herself with screws. Screw's made of wood! She's obviously doing this on purpose, but she won't tell me what's wrong. I'll be back in a second, I need to go and see if I might have a regular screwdriver, but I'll tell you now that it's pretty unlikely. You hear that? It's unlikely I have a regular screwdriver, so you may have just gotten yourself stuck in the time vortex. Really…."

The Doctor was still mumbling as he left the control room heading through the many corridors of the TARDIS, presumably to find the tool room and hope that for whatever reason he had picked up a phillips head screwdriver somewhere along the way in his travels.

Once River was sure that the Doctor had gone far enough and wouldn't hear what she said she sat down in front of the console and stared into the screen.

"Alright then, out with it. What's really going on? I know that there's nothing wrong with you, so that means you're keeping us stuck here for a reason. The Doctor told me once that you told him that you didn't take him where he wanted and instead took him where he needed to be. So for some reason we need to be in the time vortex right now? Come on, you can tell me, in a way you are one of my mums."

The TARDIS decided to answer her the moment she stopped talking. Suddenly, the screen showed a message written in Gallifreyan, "We need your help, please answer".

For a moment, River couldn't do much more than stare at the message in shock. The fact that the message was written in Gallifreyan was already enough to be confusing, but the fact that it was written in _old_ Gallifreyan? As far as River knew there were only two people in the universe that could still read and write in old Gallifreyan, and they were both currently aboard the TARDIS. She tried to think about who could possibly be able to send this message but couldn't think of a single being who would have been able to send the message. She must have been standing there for longer than she'd thought because the TARDIS did something that sounded like impatient exasperation, she'd gotten the message though, the TARDIS was saying something along the lines of, "Oh you daft woman, just answer it already!"

She'd thought that there was no one in the universe that could've sent that message and she had been right. River had pressed the accept option on the screen she didn't know what to think about what she was staring at. She had recognized the woman instantly but couldn't for the life of her think of a reason for her to be making contact. Frankly River was quite sure that the other woman shouldn't even know of her existence, but River knew her quite well. You could almost say that River liked to think that she knew the woman on the screen as well as she knew most people.

It wasn't at all what she had expected, but somehow it was the only answer that made sense and River felt like she had known who would be on the other side of the call the moment it came through, she just hadn't wanted to admit it. Recognizing the person on the other side of the screen would almost be the same as accepting that no matter how much time she'd spent with the doctor, no matter the fact that they were married and she was sure that he loved her; she would never be able to completely own both of his hearts. For all her bravado and belief in the fact that she loved the doctor more than anything else, she always knew that if somehow the woman on the other side of the screen decided that she'd wanted the Doctor back and found a way back to him… River knew that the Doctor probably wouldn't even spare River a glance before running into the other woman's arms. The other woman's existence was occasionally quite a literal thorn in her side.

It was then that the panic and the fear started settling in. River knew that the other woman probably wasn't sending this message to steal the Doctor away from her. If the other woman had found a way back, she wouldn't be sending a message. The fear was from the fact that the last time the woman had come to this universe the stars had been going out and it could quite literally have been the end of the universe. River decided that whatever news the woman was bringing, she would take it in stride.

She would not back down from this woman. She would be strong. She took a deep breath.

"Hello Rose Tyler."

Rose looked into the screen and was completely and utterly confused. She'd had to check the readings on her own TARDIS to make sure that she'd sent the message to the right place. Then the woman had greeted her, 'Hello Rose Tyler' she'd said. She didn't quite know what to think so she'd crossed to the other side of the console and grabbed the Doctor by the sleeve.

"I'd thought you said it was impossible for you to regenerate into a woman."

"Now Rose, I'd never said it was impossible, just simply highly unlikely. It's his decision, but in all of my previous selves I'd never felt the want to be a woman. Who knows maybe the regeneration after me had decided it was time for a change."

"So that's you then? That cheeky blonde woman with the sultry voice? That's the Doctor of the future?"

"Wait did you just say- " the Doctor was off before he even finished his sentence turning the screen around to face him.

"River Song! I thought it might be you once Rose mentioned a cheeky blonde woman."

River looked at the man who she presumed to be the Doctor, or at least the human metacrisis version of the Doctor. Rose's Doctor.

"So tell me River, have you had the delightful experience of meeting me yet? Just so we can get our timelines straight, don't want any spoilers do we?" the Doctor said with a wink.

"If you mean you as in the Doctor, then yes I've met him. How else could I be on the TARDIS if I hadn't? But if you mean have I met your specific regeneration? Then the answer to that would be no. I'm still with the Doctor of my original timeline. My first Doctor."

"Good, that means we didn't mess up when we were calculating where in time to send the call to. It's also a very good thing that you were the one to pick up River. We'd originally had Rose be the one to make the call because we'd thought that no matter how many regenerations had gone by he'd be more likely to listen to her than he would me, but now that we have you I'll be able to explain the plan myself."

"The plan?"

"Oh yes River, we need you to do something for us. Just a tiny little favour really."


	4. Hello Sweetie

River had just hung up after speaking to the metacrisis Doctor and was wondering how she would go about this. She had agreed to what he'd asked, but wasn't sure whether or not this was something she was supposed to share with her Doctor or not. She'd heard about the animosity that her Doctor apparently carried for the one named Jack Harkness. She'd asked the other Doctor whether or not she should ask her doctor for help, but as it usually was with the doctor, she hadn't really gotten a straight answer from him.

"Doctor, do you really want me to do this? Or would it be better if I'd brought my Doctor around and we talked to him about it?"

"Hm… well we had originally thought that we would be asking one of my future regenerations to do this so that was the original plan. We'd never really considered that it could be someone else, though of course there would probably be a companion with him at the time. I'd just never considered that the companion could be you. Jack would probably appreciate it if we sent a woman like you his way though."

Rose who had been silent the entire time the Doctor was explaining the plan to River then said, "I'm not too sure about that. Honestly if it was between the Doctor and someone else… I'm pretty sure he would want the Doctor. No offence to you River, but it's just that I would be the same way; wouldn't want anyone but my Doctor. Though that's probably not our main concern here, I was worried about something when we'd made this call. The fact of the matter is, when we'd left, the Doctor still… uhm… didn't really enjoy being near Jack. Something about him being wrong or whatever. I was planning on telling him to suck it up and help up anyways… but now that we have you… I'm not sure who would be the best to do it. It's not going to be news that he wants to hear."

"Well it's up to you River. Whoever you think can effectively send the message should be the person who goes. Really if we could we would go ourselves, but you know the whole stuck in another dimension thing can be really quite annoying at times. As long as the message is sent and he listens to it then you can send whoever you like."

River had decided that she would just talk to her Doctor about it. She still didn't quite understand why the TARDIS had decided that she should be the one to answer the call, but she figured the TARDIS has just been in another one of her moods.

It was at that moment that the Doctor came back into the control room looking rather pleased with himself holding up a screwdriver in his hand.

"Would you look at that River. I really did have a screwdriver!"

"Wonderful sweetie, now there's something I need to tell-"

Before River was able to speak the TARDIS shook violently throwing both the Doctor and River to the ground.

"See! I told you she hasn't been right these past few days. It's those wooden screws; they're probably interfering with her whole system. Now I just need to get them out – wait no, we've landed? Where are we?"

The moment the Doctor reached for the monitors to check out where they were, the monitor moved of its own accord and instead flew rather violently into his head knocking him out. The Doctor fell to the floor landing quite inelegantly in a heap on the grating.

"Now was that really necessary?" River asked while looking up at the TARDIS.

The TARDIS didn't respond but instead swung open the doors and threw sparks all around the console in an attempt to get River to leave.

"Alright, alright. I'll leave, just let me check that the Doctor will be okay."

After determining that the Doctor was simply knocked out and that there wouldn't be any lasting damage to the Time Lord, River went out to inspect her surroundings. She soon realized that she was in some sort of jail; unlike Stormcage in that it was very clearly designed for short term stay and specifically for alien life. She did as the other doctor told her and set her vortex manipulator to track well… itself. According to the metacrisis her vortex manipulator had actually used to belong to Captain Jack Harkness.

She appeared on a floor very similar to the one that she had been in before, but she could tell that it was likely that she was a few levels up from her previous location as the air was fresher here, still subterranean, but less filtered than it had been in her previous location. It took her only a few seconds to take in her surroundings until she noticed a man also in the room, he was tall and broad shouldered with a stocky build and a classically handsome face.

"Hello sweetie," River said with her trademark smirk, "they told me that I would know when I found you, but they didn't tell me you would be quite so handsome. Not my usual type – I'm more partial to the lithe intellectual type, but you are not bad at all." River said as she walked toward the man. That is, until the man moved and quickly had a hold on her neck and pressed her up against the wall.

"Oh and feisty, I think we'll get along great."

"Who the hell are you? How did you get into the Hub?"

River very easily maneuvered herself out of the man's grasp and quickly switched positions so that she now had the man pinned against the wall. She leaned her whole body into him and then whispered lightly into his ear, "I'm here on the request of some mutual friends. Though I wouldn't really consider them my friends and I get the feeling that you want something more from them – you know what? Let's just call them friends for simplicity's sake."

Jack struggled against River's hold, but he couldn't escape. Though no one really paid attention to the Doctor when he was boasting, he wasn't wrong about the superior Time Lord biology, and though River was only part Time Lady, she still reaped many of the benefits. It seemed that Jack realized that he wasn't going to escape through brute force and instead moved his hands so that they were resting on River's hips and gave her a charming smile.

"Now I'm not opposed to beautiful women throwing themselves at me. We could actually continue this if it turns out that you're claims are true, but the thing is, though I have lived a very long life, the list of people I can call friends isn't all that long. Especially in this Universe, most of the people I trust are actually in the room above us. So give me a name or else I'll have to do something that isn't very nice."

"I quite like to playing rough." River said as she tightened her grip on Jack and pushed him harder into the wall. She then bit him lightly on the ear and whispered huskily. "Too bad I'm a happily married woman and my husband doesn't like the share."

"Would you like to maybe enlighten me in regards to who this mysterious husband is? Or who our mutual friends are, even better yet just tell me who you are."

"Oh yes introductions. Nice to meet you Captain, I'm Professor River Song, wife of the Doctor."

She felt Jack freeze under her grip and got the feeling that the time for games was over.

"But… you can't be. He wouldn't, not with anyone. Not unless it was-"

"Yes, I'm well aware of who you're thinking about, I'm here right now because of her actually. The Bad Wolf sends her regards. And to answer the obvious question in your eyes, yes I am actually married to the Doctor our first wedding was in a parallel universe but so far we've had about 13 different weddings so thank you for your input but yes, he would."

Jack didn't understand who was going on, but he knew that it couldn't be good.

"Well, if you are who you say you are, then where's the Doctor? And what do you mean the Bad Wolf sends her regards?"

"He's currently… indisposed. The TARDIS felt like this would be a conversation best left for just the two of us. And before you ask, this conversation pertains to your second question. Oddly enough, I contacted by her and given a task, one that I'm completing quite simply because I don't want my husband getting involved."

"You're lying. The Doctor told me that she was gone and she can't- "

"Oh yes, that's all still true, but I sweetie, am from the future. Well technically you are too, but you know how the timelines are when we're talking about the Doctor. So I'll just get to the point, in my time Rose has had her happy ending, she's completely fine and her life is good. From what I was told this is all I can tell you at this point of your timeline, but that's not the message. This is: Don't."

"Don't?"

"Yes don't. Whatever it is that you were planning to do before I came in here. Whatever it is you were planning to say. Don't do it. You can't. Not now. It's not time yet. If you don't listen to me then you'll be messing with more than just your own timeline."

"And I should just believe you? Some woman who just breaks in and claims to know the only people who I would give my life for? How am I supposed to know you're telling the truth? That you even know the Doctor?"

River made her move to answer when she heard someone sputtering behind her. She turned around to see the Doctor behind her with his mouth hanging open.

"WHAT? River you- and Jack and… WHAT? How do you even… what? This… how?"

River leaned into Jack and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Well there's my proof that I know the Doctor. Everything else, you'll just have to put your faith in me. The alternative would be bad. Not unraveling timelines bad… but still as the Doctor would say, very not good. I'll be seeing you captain."

She then walked back to the Doctor grabbed him by the bowtie and gave him a searing kiss as she set her vortex manipulator to take them back to the TARDIS.


	5. And So It Begins

_Darlig UlV Stranden - Norway_

John Tyler walked along the beach slowly approaching the figure slowly. He wasn't sure what exactly had led to it this time, but when he woke up this morning to see his wife gone knew there was only one place she could be. It had been a few years since he and Rose had been left in Pete's world by his doppelganger and they were good - fantastic even - for the most part. But, there were times when life proved to be just a bit too much for his wife and whenever she needed to escape; there was one place that she was sure to find her.

Her back was turned to him and he knew instantly that something was wrong. There was something about her that looked so small, so vulnerable and those were two things that words that he would never use to describe Rose Tyler, "Rose sweetheart, are you alright? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

She looked up at him and he was shocked at what he saw. Her eyes were glowing bright gold and he instantly felt the fear so sharp it was as if someone had plunged a knife deep into his chest.

"Rose? Are you alright Rose?"

"Oh Doctor my Doctor, it has all come to pass and it will continue to pass the mad one has returned and he will return again. He will knock four times and our song will end, in its place a new one will begin. Again and again all the songs which weave together, but we are mere notes in his symphony. I want you safe, but even I cannot protect you from this, even I cannot stop that which _must_ come to pass. _The only water that runs in the forest is the River._ He knows and he has told you _You. Are. Not. Alone._ Now we are the only ones who can save him."

The glow slowly faded from her eyes and Rose slumped into a heap on the sand.

* * *

Rose woke up with a splitting headache, but that was almost negligible due to the sheer _knowledge_ that she now had. Everything that ever was, ever will be, must not be, it was all running through her head, a million different possibilities revealing themselves to her like an open book.

She knew that the Doctor was worried about her; she could feel his hands gently stroking her face as if he thought applying too much pressure would break her. She could see the worry in those eyes which were old with wisdom but at the same time so unbelievably young, yet she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't assuage the countless worries that were running through his mind and she knew very clearly each and every one of them because she could _hear _them. She could hear him. His every thought, every feeling, they were as clear as if he were announcing them to the world; at the moment she knew everything: open book didn't even begin to describe what this was.

The problem was that at the moment she couldn't concentrate on any of those things, not his thoughts or feelings, not even her new knowledge, because at that moment with all of the new things she was experiencing she was also awash with _memories_. Memories so strong that they were threatening to overpower her and take her away; replace her with someone who was her, but not at the same time. Rose remembered this other being so clearly, this entity as old as time and yet also bursting with a vitality that could only come from youth. She recognized now that it had always been there, waiting for her to be ready, waiting for the right time to make itself known.

She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears land on her closed fists. It simply wasn't fair, hadn't they been through enough? Her new memories proved that. They had all experienced enough for a lifetime, sadly as they were all meant for longer than that the possibilities were endless and with her luck it could very well mean an eternity of suffering.

* * *

John didn't know what was wrong with his wife, and he didn't like not knowing. He had brought Rose back to the TARDIS promptly put her into one of the cots in the med bay and begun scans, all the while reprimanding other him. He had been so thick, so incredibly and unquestionably thick. How could he have taken the solution at face value? One kiss and a quick regeneration and everything would be right as rain? He should have known that nothing in his life was ever that easy, he should have known that things were never that easy. But he wouldn't panic; one thing at a time. He had already done a quick visual assessment to ensure that there wasn't anything wrong with her exterior, now he had to begin ensuring that there wasn't anything wrong internally.

He was just about to begin a brain scan when she began to cry. Since her speech at the bay she had been in a semi-catatonic state but it was as if something had all of sudden been released from inside of her and it was all pouring out now at once. John wanted so badly to comfort her, but he didn't know why she was crying, it could very well because she was in some sort of excruciating pain and so he started his scan. What he saw on the screen scared him so much that he could literally feel his heart sinking in his chest in dread.

Her brain was completed lit up; the whole thing was emanating a strong gold glow, synapses firing a top speed. It's commonly known that humans only use a very small portion of their brains while the rest is simply there to remind them of their untapped potential, but the rate at which Rose's mind was working was well beyond 100% for a human brain. Frankly, it looked to be beyond what would be what the maximum capacity of a Time Lord's brain could handle and that was so very not good.

He was just about to scan the rest of her body to make sure that there wasn't anything else wrong when he heard her whimpering. He quickly dropped the scanner and grabbed her hands – which were clenched into fists- and held them tightly in his.

"Rose, please Rose just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Does something hurt, what is the matter? What do you need? What can I do for you? Just tell me Rose, please tell me what's wrong so I fix this, so I can make this okay."

When she looked up at him, her eyes were still bathed in gold, but they had dimmed to the point where they were no longer glowing. It was at that moment that he understood, he knew the look in her eyes. He knew what it was because what he had seen looking back at him in the mirror for the past 900 or so odd years. He finally thought he had figured it out when she spoke. She only said one word and it was barely above a whisper and almost overwhelmed by a sob; but he had heard it and it confused him even more.

"Jack."

He was just about to ask her what that was supposed to mean when the scanner that had fallen into her lap beeped. Instinctively John looked down to read the results on the screen and his heart stopped cold, he was almost impressed by the tenacity of his human heart as he was still standing and alive at this point, but he knew that this would be the final straw. In a day that had become far too much for his human body to handle, the results of the scan overwhelmed him and he could see the darkness begin to seep into the edges of his vision. His final thought before succumbing to unconsciousness was that this was so very absolutely not good, but at the same time he couldn't contain the joy that he felt.

* * *

The Doctor didn't like it when River hid things from him. He knew that it was a necessity with a relationship like theirs though and while he didn't like to think about it, he knew that they were currently at the best point of their relationship; the point in time where their timelines finally matched up and they both had the same amount of information. There would come a day when River would be contracted to lead an expedition to The Library and the Doctor knew that after that he would never see her again, but he planned to spend every day he had with her before that to its fullest.

He had never imagined that he would be able to feel this way about someone again. Not after he had lost so much. Not after he had lost what he had thought was his only chance at true happiness to another version of himself in a parallel universe. If he were being completely honest with himself the Doctor would be able to admit that though he cared deeply about River, to a point where he could _almost_ call it a romantic sort of love – it still didn't hold a candle to what he had felt for his pink and yellow human.

No. He had to stop. This wasn't about her. This is about River. Sometimes the Doctor wondered how he had lived through the past few centuries, and if he wouldn't benefit from some very selected memory loss. He knew that he couldn't be able to do it though, he would never be able to erase her, and because he had long ago resigned himself to this fate he knew he had to push those memories away like he had so many times before and focus on what was going on in the present.

The only problem was his present problem was a wife who refused to tell him anything. He knew that he shouldn't be surprised considering how most of the beginning of their relationship on his end had consisted of the world 'spoilers' but he had thought that they'd gotten past that point now. Even if they weren't he couldn't for the life of him understand what River had to do with _Jack Harkness._ As far as he could see, there was no reason for them to meet - at least not at this point in their timelines, the Doctor had more than a few theories about where River's vortex manipulator came from.

"River stop being difficult and just tell me what you were doing with Jack!"

"Sweetie, you now I only ever have your best interests at heart so believe me when I tell you that this is something that doesn't and shouldn't involve you."

"So what? You're protecting me? What could I possibly need protection from? You know better than anyone how much I've been through and can withstand. We've been in enough dangerous situations for you to know how tenacious I am."

River looked as if she were experiencing some sort of overwhelming pain when she looked into the Doctor's eyes. It almost made the Doctor want to drop the situation because he had never seen River with that sort of expression even on that day at the Library when she realized that he didn't recognize her anymore, but he had to know.

"River just tell me. Aren't trust and relying on each other the two main characteristics needed for a good marriage?"

"They are Doctor, so you need to know that what I'm protecting right now isn't your life. It's your hearts."

* * *

River was a selfish person. This was something that she could confess about herself. She also knew that she was particularly selfish when it came to the Doctor, never in her life had she loved anything more than she had loved him. So it was possible, that what she was doing now – keeping her making contact with Rose Tyler and the metacrisis a secret – could be her own selfishness and jealousy rearing its ugly head but she honestly believed that there was some truth to her words.

She knew the Doctor loved her in his own way, but she also wasn't deluded enough to believe that how his having feelings for her would lessen the feelings that he had – has – for Rose Tyler. It was a bitter pill of reality that River decided to ignore most days but now she couldn't deny it, and because she knew, or at least she thought she knew, just how deep the Doctor's feelings for Rose ran; she had to protect him from it. She had seen how happy Rose and her Doctor were; they were so bright and alive that she almost couldn't believe that the metacrisis and the Doctor had once been one being. Her Doctor put on a show of zany happiness bordering on the edge of insanity, but at the same time there were instances that tipped the scales to the other side, instances where the look in his eyes was so dark that River would fear for the fate of the universe were the Doctor ever sent over the edge.

Every iteration of the Doctor had that darkness, from what she had heard the metacrisis had more than any other, but from what she had seen, he was completely free of that darkness now. Somehow the metacrisis Doctor had completely been freed from the darkness that clung onto the Doctor so closely that was a part of his identity. The Doctor was a broken soul fought every day to be better than what his circumstances dictated he become. It was the understanding that the Doctor lived that the edge that made River keep everything a secret from him.

River had heard about Time Lord Victorious. Not from the Doctor - he sometimes mentioned his previous lives, but never the one that preceded his present self. River suspected it was because everything was still too fresh, the multiple losses he suffered in that life too much for him to handle so him simply chose to forget. It was the TARDIS that would show her the things that the Doctor refused to disclose, she had never shared anything such as the Doctor's feelings for Rose with River, but she had shown River what he was capable when he let his dark side take over, so River could keep a look out for the signs and pull him back from the edge if she needed to. The TARDIS was after all a way her mother, and the two of them would do everything in their power to protect their Doctor.

River Song would not let her Doctor be ruined by this. She would not let him become the hurt and broken man that she knew he could be if he were to see Rose Tyler and to actually see that she was happy with someone who was himself and yet not. To know how close he had come to having the life that he'd always wanted. She knew how catastrophic it could be for him because she had experienced it once before. The saying that it's the ones closest to you are also the ones that can hurt you the most is true and River would always carry the scars that she had given herself as a reminder to be a better person for him. To try and become someone that he could _believe_ in.

* * *

It had been very early in their marriage when River had been made aware that her husband had been in love once before. She had known that he'd loved many people in his long long life but she hadn't expected him to have ever been _in_ love with anyone before her. At first she hadn't believed it, didn't want to believe it but whenever she would ask the Doctor about it he would completely shut down and ignore her for days while he shut himself into the room that she wasn't allowed in.

It was that room that made her the most angry because she knew that it had something to do with the secrets he was keeping from her. She knew that room had to have something to do with all the secrets he was keeping from her so once, while the Doctor was at a market haggling for parts that he would use to fix the TARDIS she sneaked into the room. The TARDIS had buzzed unhappily at her but hadn't hidden the room, River could tell that the TARDIS was telling her that she would regret going in, but if she was determined to find out the truth then she wouldn't be stopped.

When she turned the handle of the door which was had a bouquet of pink and yellow roses painted on the front she was hit by and explosion of pink. The room was practically completely pink with the walls painted in soft baby pink and the bed covered in hot pink sheets. The only parts of the room which were not pink were those which were covered with clothing strewn all around the room carelessly which showed that whoever had inhabited this room was been comfortable enough to think of the TARDIS and her room there were permanent ant therefore she could afford to leave her things knowing that she would be able to return to get them at any time she wanted.

The thing that caught River's eye though was the vanity. She glanced down at the tabletop to see a large jewelry box filled with different baubles from all across the universe from cheap wooden bangles to rings set with precious stones from the far ends of the universe which had probably cost the Doctor a lifetime's worth of savings to buy. But what held her attention wasn't the jewelry, it was the pictures which were stuck haphazardly around the mirror all featuring what looked to be a very young couple the girl (because that's what she was, she was so young that she couldn't even be considered a woman yet) was a pretty blonde and the man was impossibly tall and skinny with a mess of crazy brown hair on his head.

River knew that the man had to be the Doctor and that the girl would have been a previous companion. There were two other people who were in a few of the pictures, a young black man and what seemed to be a handsome soldier dressed in a WWII era greatcoat, but it was mostly just the other two. One of the pictures of two, which looked like it probably had been taken by the TARDIS featured the Doctor in his orange space suit and the woman dressed in a purple jumper and jeans hugging to the point where the woman's feet could no longer touch the ground and they both looked so happy and in love that River almost couldn't believe that this man and the Doctor that she knew were the same person.

It was at that point that she did something very stupid. Later she would say that it was a bout of insanity brought about by seeing the Doctor doing something so out of character, but in the moment she had been taken over by an overwhelming wave of jealousy and she knew that she just _had_ to know the story behind the picture. So without giving it another thought she set her vortex manipulator to the date written on the back of the picture and the coordinates to track wherever in the Universe the TARDIS was.

She realized early on that something very wrong was occurring here, but she knew that both the Doctor and Rose would survive it so she put on a perception filter and followed them as they explored the impossible planet and found the demon. She stayed with the Doctor until the very end; until she saw his figure disappear behind the TARDIS doors. After that she promptly made the back to the TARDIS in her time, not more than a minute after she had left and stonily walked through the halls until she had gotten as far away from the room with the roses as her legs would take her.

She slid down towards the floor as a battle between jealousy, shame, and regret was wrought inside of her.

"_If they get back in contact - if you talk to Rose - just tell her... tell her... oh, she knows."_

" _Except that implies - in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils - that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi gods and would-be gods - out of all that - out of that whole pantheon - if I believe in one thing... just one thing... I believe in her."_

He had never actually said the words, but it had been so clear in the words he had said and the way he acted. It was so painfully clear to River that the feelings the Doctor felt for Rose Tyler wasn't some passing fancy as she had hoped but instead he had been – and in all likelihood still was – completely in love with her. It also wasn't the type of love that went away, it was the type of love that stayed with you, imprinted onto your very soul and affecting every decision made; it was the type of love that cleaved one's existence into three clear pieces: before, during, and after.


End file.
